From Chaos to Zen

January 25, 2020

It started right after Kaya slid that shiny golden ring into her finger. Every morning, she woke up with this weird feeling, A little voice whispering worries and what-ifs into the back of her head. It was like a heavy backpack, always there, reminding her of the big promise she’d made and threatening her about the consequences if she failed to keep them.
Whenever she tried to shake it off, to move forward, it felt like it dug in harder, her fear
growing with every step she couldn’t take.
This thing! It desires her; it’s set to take her. She can feel it. A shiver of fear trickles down her spine. She knew she needed to escape its clutches before it swallowed her whole.
Sometimes, she felt that the golden ring split her very being into two. One side, fierce and determined to annihilate this entity, and the other, seeking a way to coexist, to find harmony with it.
Little did Kaya know, the entity’s insidious whispers were not mere fleeting threats.

As the days turned into months and the months into years, its presence turned into a dark force. On a seemingly mundane day in December, three years later, the entity’s sinister game took a nightmarish turn.

December 12, 2023

Kaya laced up her favorite boots and slipped into the black leather jacket she’d bought a while back. She needed some fresh air. And it happened:

First, she sensed this rotten smell; it felt like it was coming from inside her body.
The thing began to speak in her head louder than ever before. It taunted, “Oh, how does it feel? To always be such a soft, panicked, trembling baby?”
Even though Kaya had grown used to its constant presence, its hissing, disembodied voice still sent shivers down her spine.
It continued with its hollow, haunting voice – “So soft… Always crying when I tell the truth? Does everyone know what a pathetic, demanding person you are? Always wanting things you don’t deserve? Weren’t you supposed to be obedient? That’s what you promised when you put on the ring, isn’t it? Look at you now, you selfish oh, I- want -some- -fresh -air -whining bitch! Do you think you deserve peace in the name of freedom? Huh? Well, I’m not letting you have any.”
It went silent for a while.
Kaya’s scream pierced the silence, “What do you want from me? Please, just let me be! I want to live! I just want to go out for now so that I have the strength to deal with you later! Please, show some mercy! Please!”
But it showed no mercy. It began to scratch at her brain, whispering and hissing inside her head. It knew everything about her. Every action she had taken, every mistake she had made, it feasted upon them. The entity hissed, its voice a chilling blend of mockery and malevolence, ‘Oh, dear Kaya, perpetually the victim, perpetually the frightened child. Your weakness feeds me; your fear nourishes me. How delightfully tragic that your attempts to escape only weave you tighter into my web.’

It was clear that the entity fed on Kaya’s sadness and fear. Every tear and scream made it stronger and more evil. It wanted to do more than just live inside her; it wanted to take over completely, making her life an endless nightmare.
Kaya crumpled to the floor, her nails clawing and scratching at the wall as she struggled to rise. Her nails broke one by one, but rise she did. Her posture shifted from one of despair to determination. She stepped outside and walked for many miles.
She did feel better but couldn’t shake the memory of that horrific incident just three days ago, a memory so vile and surreal that it haunted her every waking moment.

Three days earlier:

Kaya was taking a shower when a strange thing happened. She was stepping out and looking in the mirror. She gazed in disbelief as her skin transformed, becoming as transparent as water, revealing a hauntingly vivid view into the very depths of herself. She could see right inside herself.
Her reflection, once recognizable, had twisted into a horrifying distortion. Her eyes were empty pits of sorrow, and her mouth was open in a mute scream, revealing the monster that now dwelled within her. She saw her heart; it looked decomposed, as if it had been rotting for a while now.
She saw that thing moving at the corner of her head. It was a miniature adult man with scaly skin filled with fungus and puss. No hair, extremely petite, and like a snake, it could move around inside the body.
It coiled down from her head to her heart and started biting. She heard the chomping sound of eating meat. It was eating her raw, dark red, rotten heart.
The sound reminded her of eating beef after Qurbani Eid! It grabbed her heart and her liver, and started pulling it hard! With such ferocity! This thing desired to wrench them free, A Dark cuisine. Kaya, paralyzed for a moment by seeing everything in the mirror in her transparent reflection.
A sharp pain in her chest suddenly snapped her back to reality. In a panic, she ran to her bedroom and quickly grabbed the medication her doctor had given for constant chest pain for three years. Kaya took five pills. Soon, she fell into a deep sleep. When she slept, the entity slept too.
She slept for three long days without eating a thing, not even water.
The nightmares of the entity gobbling her organs, Kaya discovered a soft, growing strength inside. The scary moment in front of the mirror had sparked a strong defiance in her. Now, she refused to be controlled by the entity any longer. No longer would she plead for peace. That little shit tried to devour her heart. And she was done tolerating its insidious whispers. She finally lost her patience for the last time.

Present time:

She stepped into the shower, emerging in front of the mirror, naked with her transparent skin. Saw the entity, still dormant, resting in a corner of her heart. With no hesitation, she took a small cutter knife from the cabinet of her washroom and sliced open her chest. Yanked that parasite out.
Blood flowed restlessly, but she was indifferent. She threw it on the ground.
It awoke, disoriented and unaware of what was happening. Even in its vulnerable state, With its pride and ego, it started talking slick to her with its usual arrogant sneer. But little did it know that was not the way she was going down this time.

As Kaya changed
her posture, it lost its composure. As she watched it fall, she saw it hit the ground. She said: “I am not a failure, as you wanted me to be. You thought you could just make me feel threatened enough for me to let you intimidate me? I’d rather just live and let be. Oh, how clearly you disrespected me! Told me the nastiest things no one should ever hear. Now let me show you how exactly the breaking
point sounds!”

With a guttural voice, it said: “Kaya, you’re bleeding!” Let me help you! I am so sorry for
what I did! That will never happen again, I swear!”
“No! You won’t sneak back into my heart, whispering sweet lies, promising to heal wounds that only bleed more in your presence.”
She just stood there and left it on the floor. She placed her hands on her chest and tried to stop the bleeding as much as she could. Kaya, her hands stained with her own blood and that thing writhing on the floor, found a bitter satisfaction welled within her.

It, on the ground, choking on its own lies, couldn’t breathe without Kaya anymore.
Swallowed up with its own greed. Groaning and suffering alone in its misery.
It could only see Beautiful and Amazing Kaya bleeding before its eyes. A desire to help her arose again in the same way that it helped her stop bleeding hundreds of times before.

It tried to reach her, but it couldn’t move. It wanted to tell her it would be okay but wouldn’t get through. It realized it had made a mistake and it would never be able to help her again.

It was murmuring: I don’t know why I always punished brilliant young women. I just know that if I could, I would’ve done it again. I am so sorry, Kaya; I’m Sorry I Didn’t Do Worse.

All it could hear in the end was a shrieking sound. It was the only sound left after the violent storm had passed, and it seemed to be the only thing that it could comprehend.
It was the ominous sound of Kaya’’s breaking point.